Insights from my interview with NLP trainer Juliet Lever 2023

Paul said, Why don’t you do hypnotherapy? And immediately I said no to start, because I had had hypnotherapy sessions and I actually put the therapist on a pedestal. So I made up a limiting belief in that moment, “I could never do that, never be as good. So when Paul said, why don’t you study hypnotherapy? I had a little bit of resistance and I thought, Okay, well, I’ll give it a go. And in the first hour of the course, I just felt my whole body, mind and spirit say your home. This is so healing and therapeutic and you can help people with these skills now. I had grown up with a lot of the conditioning that said you can only help someone if you have a degree in psychology. I know you’ve experienced first hand how NLP and hypnotherapy are, they obviously work together so well but there’s just something so embodied and somatic about the hypnotherapy that is undeniable as an experience, that just switched something in me.

Such a funny story, depending on your belief structure. Juliet nine years ago was a little sceptical. So if you know about human design, I’ve got that that sceptic channel, where I’ll question things and I’ll push things away a little bit until I’ve got all of the facts and all the information. I feel like I can trust it right. And so one of my best friends her father had just passed, and she had had a psychic reading. And she said to me, you have to go and see this psychic. And I was like, Okay, I’ve seen psychics before, and they just basically pick information from you.  

But I went to see the psychic and I didn’t say anything, I sat down with my arms crossed, resistant as anything. And the psychic said to me, honey, I can’t start your reading. And I said to her, why not? And she goes, all your guides keep screaming at me, Where’s Paul? Paul, Paul, Paul, they just keep yelling this at me. So I have to ask you before I can start, who’s Paul and I just looked at her and I was like, I don’t know anyone called Paul, I actually didn’t.

Now, for months leading up to this I had been journaling. I journal all the time, I’ve been journaling, l keep hearing about this thing called NLP and hypnotherapy. Like, I want to study it and I’d looked at different places, but they just looked a bit bland. And a dear friend of mine had said if you’re gonna study NLP, and hypnotherapy, make sure it’s with the right trainers, because you will kind of take on some of their belief systems and belief structure. And if it’s not useful, it can be a waste of the course. So when I went to meet Paul about doing NLP, I was really mindful of that. And so I literally in that moment, I didn’t think of what the psychic had told me, which was that he was going to be my soulmate. And we were going to travel and teach together and make a difference in the world.

It sounds really cliche, but we had a human design reading a couple of years ago, and she literally said, all of my gates and channels that are open his closes. And that was what it felt like, it just felt like when we’re apart, we’re awesome. But when we’re together, it’s like everything supercharges and that sceptic channel that I have, he has the researcher channel that closes it. I’m gonna spend my whole life with you. And it’s incredible. I’m really grateful for every day that we have together. It’s very special.

A: And so that brings me to what’s important in your relationship? You know how he said, you were his stalker, it’s like his humour, isn’t it? If people don’t know Paul, that is totally his humour. And is that a quality that you like?

J: Well, it’s funny, because I know you want to dive into a bit of shadow. And I have actually, at times, recognised that I disowned my own sense of humour. And it shows up in Paul. And so when I consciously make an effort to be a bit more lighthearted, and a bit more fun bit more jokey. I’ll notice him sometimes getting a bit more serious so, it’s fun to play with.

I think as well, being inclusive of all gender roles and gender types in society, I do feel sometimes as a female presenter, I have to be mindful of how much I joke around, because I’m mindful that that can minimise my credibility at times in a role of leadership. And that’s something that I play with, and I’m mindful of, and I’ve done a lot of training around public speaking. And the recommendations when you’re in those roles, if you’re onstage and you make a joke of yourself as a woman, it’s a different energy than if you’re in that kind of typical male gender role or whatever. Right? And so that’s been an interesting thing. I would say, behind closed doors, we’re pretty equal when it comes to our humour. I probably just scale it back a bit. Also, because I have a bit more of the corporate world programming I will

A: Yes definitely, I was going to say that coming from that world, it would have made you a bit more serious about business and you kind of like have to toe the line with men.

J: Agreed. And I think maybe also I’m more aware of the kinds of judgments and perceptions that hold true in those environments. Because I think you can not care but that will only get you so far, because then people won’t take you seriously.

Yeah, I think there’s a certain percentage that you can get away with and Paul really maxes out his persona in a really fun way. I think having fun, you know, play humour that lightheartedness. 

But also, that deep space of just trust and openness. 

I think for myself and Paul, we’re really lucky that we sort of did learn a lot from relationships earlier on and in contrast. 

But we’re also very fortunate that we’re both very committed to doing the introspection, the inner work of self reflection and owning our shadows. And what we’re projecting onto one another, you know, sometimes if I think to myself, Paul’s being a bit lazy, right, that’s a judgement and so I’ll check in and I’ll just see, okay, in what ways am I either being lazy or in what ways am I not allowing myself to rest because it would only be triggering me if it’s something for me to look at. So I think of that kind of awareness in relationships

A: Ah that’s a great switch.

J: It’s like, you know, Paul’s favourite quote,

‘People will be who you need them to be, so you can see what you need to see.’ 

And I think we both really try to own that as much as possible. What about you? What’s important to you?  When it comes in relationship, I’m curious?

A: I believe Respect encompass’ it all.

Actually I like a sense of humour too and having lots of fun that’s important. My partner’s like Paul, he’s a bit of a joker. 

Connection is important. With that compassion, that leads to trust.

Trust goes both ways, which comes from truth.

To have faith in each other.

We’ve grown together a lot and so I would say we’re pretty aligned in our spirituality, we have similar views on that sort of stuff. 

J: How long have you been together?

A: Well, we’ve been together 32 years, but this is this year is our 30th wedding anniversary.

Yeah. And then children bring in another dynamic. So they’re 28 and 27.  

A: I when I did NLP that was on the Sunshine Coast. Actually an acquaintance put me on to your course. Because she lived in Adelaide. And she highly recommended you. And like you said it’s really hard to find a course you can be sure about, that’s not bland, like you want it to be interesting. delivered in the way you do? 

J: Absolutely. I think, you know, one of the key cornerstones of communication is that only 7% of what we say is the words, the rest is how we say it. And so Paul and I, we love playing in that 93% of like, the tone, the physiology, but also the belief behind it as well, because there are some people that teach no key, and they’re just regurgitating information, but it’s embodied and, like, lived. And so I agree. And I think that’s a big piece of it, all the beautiful students we have in our community and the people that we’ve worked with and study with us. There’s this real depth of this has changed my life. And this can change yours. And everyone’s got their own unique stories of the layers or the things that shifted for them. But I think you can’t go into that experience with us and not have some profound experiences and you know, let go of stuff that sometimes we don’t even know is there, don’t you think as well, like, you’re just going through life? And then you peel back those layers? And you think, I didn’t even know that was there? 

A: I think it’s what you said, it’s physiology. Like Tony Robbins says, physiology first –

Embodying it and actually experiencing, it’s the way you talk. I actually thought you must have done NLP first. Because I think you you are very attuned with it. I think you express it very well. The way you teach it so well. 

That’s actually what I was going to say, when you would say, 

‘You see it, and you feel that and you hear what they were saying.’

I actually really felt it in my body. And something funny, when we did the NLP up on the Sunshine Coast. There was a company that had had hired the room next to us. And I’m not sure what type of company they were. But they started laughing and you said, Let’s laugh like they are. And so we started laughing. And we just got louder and louder. And then we were all just enjoying it so much. We were actually laughing at each other. And it just compounded. It was so incredible that  we were feeling it in our bodies, and we actually became happy, you know? It’s like people say, you can’t pretend to be happy or fake it till you make it. But it’s true, you can.

J: Well, that’s why things like laughter yoga are catching on. I remember that. Because I think I was trying to explain a point really clearly to everyone and their laughing was louder than my voice. So I was like, well, they sound like they’re having fun. Let’s just join in, just have more fun than them. And laughed louder.

It’s impossible to feel miserable, and depressed, if you’re open, smiling and laughing. And so shifting our physiology and all of those things, you know, is so important, but also, the way we’re saying things to ourselves, you know, if we’re hunched over and we’ve got a frown on our face, and we’re trying to set goals and win the day, it’s it’s not going to be as effective as if we actually are as solid in our physiology. And that’s why I love like even something simple like in NLP the goal is in future technique that we do, because it does shift our physiology, our breath, our focus, that clarity. And so I love having all these tools, don’t you think that? No matter what, I’ve got a tool for that, I can shift that, I can adjust that. And it’s so much more empowering. I remember 10 years ago, just feeling stuck. And feeling like I didn’t know what to do. And I think there’s obviously a time and a place for feeling negative emotions and feeling like you’re in a funk but not living there.

A: Oh, yeah. And so with timeline therapy. Explain that a little bit. For some people that may not understand that.

J: Yes it’s sometimes confused. So what’s the difference between NLP and timeline therapy? 

I might just explain the difference. So NLP, I guess was developed in the mid 1970s.

And it was co creators Richard Bandler. and John Grinder looked at, who are the most successful therapists in the world today? And what are they doing? And could we replicate and create models of how they’re creating change in humans? And so they studied different therapists they drew upon people like Virginia Satir  and Milton Erickson, one of the most famous hypnotherapist Dr Carl Jung’s work in perception is projection. Gregory Bates, lots of different people, right. And their model, what are the key things, the fundamental things that help a human to be able to create change? And the idea of it is, if we can find the models and we can replicate it, and we can apply it. It’s like finding the art and the science for how do we create change at a behavioural level in a human. So a lot of people think NLP is the techniques, but the whole core concept of NLP is about modelling, finding what works in human behaviour and then replicating it to get results. And it’s also about having this attitude of curiosity rather than critical, or looking at what’s actually going on beneath the layers of this human in front of me because we do live in a very surface level society where people see someone do a negative behaviour and they’ll say, oh, that person’s an idiot or an asshole. Whereas someone that’s trained in NLP will think to themselves like, Hmm, I wonder what beliefs, values, attitudes, memories and experiences is creating this behaviour right now? 

And so, about a decade later, Tad James, who studied with Richard and John started doing a lot of research into what’s one of our deepest unconscious filters, which is what’s called our time storage filter. And that’s something we dive more into in master practitioner. But one of the things he explored was, there’s actually somewhere that we all as humans store time in relation to our body. And he started doing some tests and experiments with clients where he would ask them about say, a limiting belief. And he would help them find the place in their thinking, that if you can find the place in your thinking before a belief existed, then it collapses that belief in the now. Because time is actually happening now. 

And so it’s really fascinating because it’s basically like finding it in your neurology, if we think of quantum physics perspective of things, in order for us to have a problem, we also need to have a Not problem, right? And so it’s finding the place within your neurology where the Not problem or the opposite of the problem exists. And if you connect a problem to the Not problem, it zeroes it out into the illusion that it is and it kind of brings it back into neutrality. And so that’s a bit about timeline therapy, which is super cool. Well number one, it’s simple and easy. I feel, don’t you agree? Most people’s difficulty is how easy it is because they’ve been carrying a belief or storing a negative emotion in their body for 30, 40 or 50 years. And then in a couple of minutes, it’s shifted, and there’s this profound, I actually can feel that this is different now. And we realised that we don’t have to carry this stuff around anymore. So I would say probably the hardest thing is how easy it is. But it also really helps people not only let go of emotions, clear limiting beliefs, but also put goals into their future so that there’s clarity for their future. And I love that technique as well.

A: Yes, I agree. Putting it into the future is really what makes a difference. That is profound.

J: It is. And yet, sometimes people will do goal setting, and that will only get them so far, if they haven’t first cleared the space. So that’s where the mind is so great, because it helps you clear your past and then create your future. And I think some people in life get stuck.

As we’re talking about relationships, say as for example maybe people go on a dating site, because they want to get in a relationship, but they haven’t cleared their past baggage about relationships. So they’re going into all those interactions projecting their past, onto their relationships. And so if you don’t have the tools, find a coach, work with Anwyn work with someone that can help you actually clear that space from your past. So that then when you do go out to find that relationship, or start that business, or lose weight, or whatever the goal is, you’re not carrying all of that past projection, because what we filter for, we find. It’s reality based on our beliefs, right? So if our beliefs can be shifted, then you can start actually attracting what it is you do want with that clarity. So, yes 100% I think, putting our goals into the future is half of the battle, the other battle is making sure that there’s the plot of land to be able to plant them in.

A: Yes because if we don’t, then we keep looking for the same qualities. And we don’t realise that those are the qualities we don’t actually want. But we’re actually filtering for those qualities again, and again, again, and we get the same partner every time. And we wonder what’s wrong? And we always think it’s them, but it’s actually our filters that are creating it.

J: And the scariest part is, we’ll actually turn them into that. Paul and I have discussed this, right. I’m a big believer that anyone can have a successful relationship with anyone. If they’re actually aware of what they’re creating. And there have been times over the last few years, in my relationship with Paul I’ve caught a little glimpse of my ex husband and I think I’m creating this right now. What is there here for me to clear up? It’s not him that has to change? No, it’s why would I be creating that exact same habit or response? Or is it something here for me? You’re right, people go on that merry go round and say, I just need a new partner. The lens is exactly the same.They’re going to show up over time. I feel like in the first couple of months, though everyone’s on their best behaviour.

A: Yes, that’s it. That’s what Carl Jung talks about doesn’t he? He says we project ourselves onto them to be perfect, and then suddenly it starts to break down and then underneath it, then they’re just Human like everyone else.

J: A few years ago, I interviewed John Demartini on my podcast, and it’s one of my favourites, I still go back and listen to it sometimes. And he says, people will write a list of all the qualities they want in a partner, but they’ll write a lopsided list. They’ll write, I want someone who’s kind never cruel. I want someone who’s loving, never hurtful. You know, I want someone who’s beautiful, never ugly. But that person doesn’t exist. It’s a one sided fantasy we live in, we’ve got to take all the traits. And when you can love yourself for all your traits, it’s a lot easier to love others for that as well.

A: Yeah, it’s interesting, because you think about people that say, oh, I want to meet the perfect person. Oh well, this isn’t the perfect person, they have to be this way. And I don’t think that happened with us, like we actually, worked together in a business. And we would just talk, so we talked for six months before we got together. So we got to know each other as a friend first really, before we even got together. And I think that was really good basis, because then there was there wasn’t anything that had to break down, you know, like that ideal person. And I never thought I need to find that ideal person. And so I think that’s why it’s worked. But I know that that is a common trait that people think that they have to find the perfect person. You just make the person you’re with perfect.

J: I mean, that’s it. We’re all perfectly imperfect, aren’t we? I heard someone say something a few years ago, be grateful that your partner is not perfect, because it lets you off the hook to have to be that. How horrible that would be to be with someone who’s perfect.I think that’s so beautiful. And I agree. I think for you having that foundation of friendship, that can just carry you through anything.

A: Exactly.That’s beautiful. Yeah, because if you’re attracted only to the physical side, say for instance, that’s just skin deep. That won’t last because it fades. We get old and wrinkly. 

And so explain a little bit about shadow work. it’s a little bit like projection right?

J: Yeah. We talked a bit about Carl Jung. Basically, the shadow is our disowned self. 

So there’s things about ourselves that we think are unlovable, unworthy, not good enough, for example. And so we will keep that part of us hidden, will hide it and we’ll say, or if you ever hear yourself or someone saying, Oh, that’s not me, or not an angry person, I never get angry. That’s a really good example. Yes. Common one where people will maybe as a child, maybe, they got angry and their parental figures said,

A: Don’t get angry. Yeah

J: I learned okay, in order for me to get love in this family, I better hide that. And so we learnt to repress it, but energy needs to go somewhere. So if we’re repressing someone or something has to be expressing. Either will express it to ourselves in private, but sometimes there’ll be angry thoughts, you know, self harm, things like that for example.

But also, sometimes we will attract a partner who will show us what we’re not allowing ourselves to express and in relationship, your partner is your greatest mirror. If you’ve got multiple partners, you’ve got multiple perceptions and mirrors, right? So your partner will be that mirror showing you those parts of yourself. 

There can be two sides, there can be negative traits, the disowned shadow, the darker sides, I don’t get jealous or I don’t get angry or I’m not this, you know, all humans have all traits.

I’m sure to someone in your life. Someone thinks you’re a saint and someone thinks you’re an asshole, but that’s their projection of you. You just be you right? And if you love all parts of yourself, including your asshole traits, you know, sometimes I’m a bitch and sometimes that’s useful because I need to put my foot down and be assertive and that can be useful.

 But if I disown it, I’ll be walked over and a people pleaser, and then I’ll get resentful and then I’m being a bitch to myself, right so it’s going to come out somewhere.

We can also have golden shadow and so that’s where we project out onto partners like they’re so amazing, they’re so confident, and we disown our own confidence. 

And so the fascinating thing in relationships is, when we think about anything that’s shadow generally it’s where there’s a lot of energy, either strong attraction or strong repulsion. And so it’s a great place to start getting curious again, with this attitude of NLP.

I’m really attracted to this person or I can’t stop thinking about them. If you’ve ever had that, or I’m really repulsed by this or any of that push pull energy, that’s a great indicator of maybe some disowned energy. And that’s all it is. It’s just this energy that you can transform. 

And if I can understand what am I seeing in them, I’m not allowing myself to see in me, then I can also see expressed in them what I’m not allowing myself to express in me.

This is when you can start to transmute that energy. And often those attractions and repulsions will neutralise and you just see them for who they are. which is just a beautiful reflection of light that’s being on this world. And then you don’t have to project all your stuff onto them. Right?

But it’s super fascinating. Carl Jung said, we tend to marry our unconscious mind and project all of our unresolved stuff onto them. So our partners, our intimate relationships, children( if you have them) they can be great reflections for shadow work. I’m a big believer that, life is always teaching us stuff, learn as much as we can. It’s not always easy though, Sometimes it can be quite painful. Sometimes it can be quite confronting. And it is easy to blame others. 

Or as I say, we live in a bit of a surface level society, where it’s just really easy to say, oh, that person is just an asshole. I just don’t like them. So get curious, what specific traits about them don’t you like? And what would happen in your life, If you either owned them or how is this you? and this is some concepts that I explored in my book, just in kind of, like an intro level, about the mirrors of life? This person in my world, they’re either

  Showing me something

  That I am something

  That I judge something

  That I aspire to be 

  Something that I used to be, and maybe I don’t like, so much.  

So the things that we tend to not like about ourselves. I really believe in  simple terms which mirror is this person showing me for myself, then you can start to have compassion for that person. And also ‘You do You’ and focus on yourself. 

I think relationships are super interesting, a lot of times we set up unrealistic expectations.

What people think a relationship shouldn’t be, should be, rather than just a it is.

I listened to one of your podcasts earlier today, where you were talking about, like, your biggest learning is just really being really present with the person and with yourself.

And I think that in a relationship, the biggest gift we can give is very challenging, it’s to give unconditionally love to someone, but as close to that as we can get. You don’t have to change or be or do anything other than what your unique expression of human is in this world. 

I think sometimes as well, people want their partners to change in relationship because they see their partner as a reflection of them. And so if their partner’s displaying something that they wouldn’t like, or do, it’s a bit of a trigger too. So relationships are so fascinating I think.

A: I just thought of something, you know how dogs have give unconditional love?

It’s cupboard love and if you pat them occasionally, and I love that, but then I thought, if dogs give that and they’re on a very basic level, and that’s really cute, and we love them. But why can’t we be like that? Why can’t we be as giving as that? Give without the expectation of receiving anything! 

J: I think it’s a really good point. And I don’t know, what do you think?

A: Well if we can do that and we can be like that with an animal, then surely we can be like that with the most important person of our life – our partner.

But we get into the nitty gritties. We sometimes have these little arguments, because he’s aware of this work and I say your a mirror of me. He says, oh, you’re a mirror for me. Or, you’re angry and I say no, you’re angry, and he’ll say, Yeah, but that’s because you’re angry and we’re just bouncing off each other and you get in this little cycle.

J: What came first the chicken or the egg making you angry or you being both owning it, then sometimes chunking down helps as well. Well, why don’t you just give each other space to just voice everything you’re angry about right now? And then that can help with like getting it out. 

I think that’s cool. 

J: I think that’s cool and it sounds like you’ve got great level of awareness to be able to share that. And I’m not here to paint an unrealistic picture, like relationships can be really challenging. Well, sometimes there’s things we don’t want to look at. And honestly, for myself in previous relationships, it wasn’t so open in terms of like doing this kind of work. And so it’s a lot easier for me now, because I’m living and working with someone who owns his stuff. And I own mine. And I really want to acknowledge and put my heart out there to anyone who feels like they’re in a relationship right now with someone who’s not willing to do that, and not willing to look at that stuff. Because I think that is incredibly challenging. But also something to explore.

A: Explore, why am I with that person?

J: What ways am I closed off? 

A: Yes so true. And you know in this kind of line of work you get to a goal, when you say, this is what I’d love to achieve. And then when you get there, then you want to expand more. So there’s always more, there’s always a new level, when you’re there, you’re happy with that level, but there is always room for growth. So we can always be growing. It’s not I think you’d like you suddenly get there.

J: And don’t you think that’s like, the gift in life or the learning in life is like, how to have your eye on the horizon. But to be really grateful in the present?

A: Yes, exactly. Well, that’s it, you can just be always striving to get something and be a certain way. But yes, be also happy and grateful for what we have already, because we do have so much. That’s so true.

Is there anything you’d like to mention about boundaries? Boundaries are a big thing at the moment, people are always talking about having boundaries. And also, the other thing that triggers me is being trauma informed. Like, we all have levels of trauma. And I suppose it’s because I’ve done so much work on myself, I have maybe what somebody would think is bad trauma or extreme trauma. And yet, I’ve overcome it, but it’s because I’m prepared to go there. And it’s like you’re saying, it can be quite confronting and scary for some people. But I actually think it’s scarier to live not knowing, not being aware. Because then you have those emotional outbursts. Like you were saying about clearing up the past, because if you don’t do that, then you can’t really be in the present, living now and seeing people for who they are rather than through your own filters. 

J: Yes 100%  I think it’s one of my favourite sayings is,

       The hard road gets easier, but the easy road gets harder. 

And I think sometimes staying in that,  I don’t want to look at that stuff. I don’t want to go there. You know, boundaries can be useful. And I think sometimes we’ll shut ourselves down or we’ll do things to protect ourselves, but eventually that protection can become a shell and it can block out intimacy and connection. We wouldn’t have a depth of connection, we’ve got to allow ourselves to honour that stuff. We can’t just go, oh, no, I only want to let in the good stuff – you block one, you block all. And so I think you’re a great shining light of that example of even the example you gave of the forgiveness that you just played in your grief episode, that’s profound. And the ripple effect of that, in your future is just going to allow so much more depth of love and connection and joy, and you know, all of that, because you’ve been able to transmute that hurt and that pain

A: Yes I believe that to have compassion for somebody is super important.

I think forgiveness is a huge one in relationships. And part of my journey has been when I read your book and it’s layering you know, every single thing that I’ve done is layered on top of another experience. And that makes my relationship better with my partner. 

I had quite a profound experience with forgiveness at my mother’s internment. So that’s when they put my mother’s ashes into my dad’s grave, because he wanted to be buried. And at that there was only a very small group of people. It was just us siblings, and then the person that was my sexual abuser. And so I actually decided that this is the moment that could be really empowering for me. And previously, I actually thought that I would confront him and ask why did this happen, and all this sort of stuff years ago, but I actually decided that I would give him the gift of forgiveness. And I had just listened to the Dalai Lama. And he was saying, when you can give forgiveness to your so called enemies, then that’s when you have inner peace and inner strength. And oh boy it was so powerful. It was incredible. He listened, he was attentive. And we even hugged at the end. 

J: Wow, I often think about when my mum will die, and like, I love her so much that the more I can learn about preparing for that, because we all know what’s going to happen one day.

That’s super powerful, you must feel quite quite different about that now.

What they say, our biggest triggers are our biggest teachers, and you’re like, oh, maybe there’s some more for me to learn?

A: Yeah, if I can do this, then I can do anything. 

J: Good generalisation. Negates all the shadow, right?

A: Yeah. And I said, this is an opportunity for you to think about forgiving those people that did the wrong thing by you. Now that may not be possible, but you know, like, little things will trickle down just gradually, he’s taken that away, and then that will have an impact on him.

J:I think so, you know, in terms of boundaries? I think sometimes we only know if a boundary is there once it’s been overstepped. So sometimes a big gift that you can actually get is someone overstepping your boundary, because you can go Oh, okay. Now, I’ve got to create some guidelines and some steps in here. But if you if you need to say what the boundaries are, then also maybe they’re not as clear to you as you thought, because I think energetically we can also pick up on people’s boundaries. 

A: I like what you said about that.

J: Sometimes again having too much rigid boundaries can also block natural, organic connection, and it can like be a protection mechanism or something like that, but it depends. Yeah, I guess it depends on what context if you mean in relationships, work, or? Yeah,

A: Well, I would say relationships. When I did the survey of different couples, and I asked, what’s important in relationships? It was the young people that were saying, safety and maintaining their boundaries, they needed that. It’s a different generation to ours. And so much has changed. There’s so many different things, there’s online things. And that wasn’t anything to do with our world.

J: I suppose in person boundaries, like do people not know as well? How to pick up on social cues? Yes. You kind of can tell when someone is comfortable or not in a boundary. 

A: So is there anything you’d like to add to this?

J: I just would like to add I remember us having our first conversation three or four years ago now. And this is why I love this work. Because it’s so beautiful to see you shining your light paying forward, you know, doing things that you’re passionate about, you’ve got a podcast now, where you’re sharing some really deep vulnerable things. And you create a really kind of exploratory space conversation. And I understand that’s about connecting to people’s stories, but also making the listener feel connected when we’re talking

A: I have to say that conversation was very profound. I said to my partner, after I got off the call, I said, in 15 minutes, Juliet got who I was, you got to the core of me, and I made the decision straightaway, I knew that your company was the one to go with. I understand that that was all the NLP.

J: Honestly, it wasn’t a conscious thing, it’s about connecting to you as a human in this world. There’s someone here that wants to let go of some stuff, that’s not them. I’ve got to do everything I can to help her do that. And that’s where it comes from. I think it’s so embodied now, that it’s just cool.

A: But you are obviously a master at it.

J: And I feel in your work, that people would feel that about you as well. 

A: Well like, what you say about NLP is that we’re modelling and I thought you were my golden shadow. I have to admit to that, and I thought I want to be like this person, because she is expressing herself authentically so well, so thank you.

J: That’s really humbling and very beautiful, Thank you. Because, you know, 10/15 years ago, that me was so scared of all those things. 

A: Well actually, that’s something else that happened.  At my father’s funeral. I just cried the whole time. I couldn’t even stand up and say one word. And after doing all this training with the NLP and then masters and hypnotherapy, I actually led the eulogy. And I got up in front of about 100 people, and I couldn’t believe it, it was just so easy for me. And before that in school,  

I wasn’t able to do any public speaking. I was very shy, so that has transformed my life in so many ways. I actually used some of the structuring of public speaking like you use? You start off with VAK. Yeah, I had them laughing and I was telling mum’s jokes, because she loved telling jokes. So at the end of it, I did a type of meditation, because my mum used to teach meditation. And so I did this mini meditation, where I got everyone to close their eyes. And it was so powerful to see all these people with their eyes closed. And just to get in touch with their bodies in their compassion, because she was very compassionate. So that’s how it has helped my life.

J: That’s so beautiful. Because actually often people will ask me, What public speaking courses have you done? The best public speaking you can do is letting go of all of your negative emotions, stored beliefs, traumas, but you know all of that stuff. Because I really believe that, obviously all the tools help as well. But the more you are comfortable with who you are, the easier it is to speak in front of a big group of people. So it’s like peeling back all that stuff. And so how long ago was your father’s funeral? 

A: Oh, his was 2018 and mum’s was October 2022. And so leading up to it, I was able to ask her what was important in her life and I had lots of conversations with her. We all spent a lot of time with her, we all gathered around in her last weeks. So it was really beautiful. We celebrated her well. So it’s all all the layers, as I said, you know, building up and I think that’s what it’s about, I almost feel like it’s it’s not being something better, but it’s more like coming home to yourself, like being who you really are. And knowing who that is, that’s what it’s taught me.

J: And that’s so inspiring for people to witness, because it helps other people, I believe, find that in themselves. When they See, I believe that’s what a master is, right? it’s not necessarily teaching people, it’s literally just living your life embodying the representation of you being fulfilled and on path, and then people say, Oh, that could be possible for me, and it might trigger them, but it also might awaken them