This time of the year can be very busy and may produce many emotions depending on your circumstances, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Thank you for who you are! I have developed this to help you.
Navigating the Christmas holidays with strained family relationships can be challenging, but it’s important to focus on creating a peaceful and enjoyable atmosphere. Here are some ideas to help you get through the holidays:
-
- Set Realistic Expectations: Accept that not everything will be perfect, and it’s okay to have some tension.
-
- Communication: Start with open, honest, and empathetic conversations to address underlying issues.
-
- Create Boundaries: Establish personal boundaries and communicate them clearly to your family.
-
- Host a Neutral Location: Consider having the celebration at a neutral location like a park, hire a hall or a restaurant.
-
- Plan Group Activities: Organize activities like board games, charades, or a family movie night to divert attention away from conflicts.
-
- Limit Alcohol: Excessive alcohol can exacerbate tensions, so consider a limited or alcohol-free celebration.
-
- Separate Gatherings: If possible, celebrate with different sides of the family on different days to avoid clashes.
-
- Gift Exchanges: Focus on thoughtful and meaningful gifts to show love and care, regardless of the underlying tensions.
-
- Volunteer Together: Giving back to the community can foster a sense of togetherness and perspective.
-
- Outdoor Activities: Plan outdoor activities to keep the atmosphere light.
-
- Cook Together: Collaborate on cooking holiday meals to promote teamwork and bonding.
-
- Create New Traditions: Start fresh with new traditions that everyone can participate in and enjoy.
-
- Individual Space: Ensure there’s enough space for everyone to have some alone time if needed.
-
- Music and Dance: Play some festive music and encourage dancing, which can lift spirits and create joy.
-
- Focus on Children: Make the holidays magical for the kids, as their joy can be infectious and help ease tensions.
-
- Invite a Mediator: If necessary, consider inviting a neutral party to mediate discussions.
-
- Therapeutic Help: Seek family therapy or counselling sessions to work through deep-seated issues.
-
- Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practice mindfulness exercises or offer relaxation techniques like deep breathing.
-
- Respect Differences: Acknowledge that family members have different opinions and beliefs, and try to respect them.
-
- Quite often we can be stubborn in our beliefs, one of the things yoga nidra and Buddahists talk about is non- attachment. These are just beliefs and not who we are. Is it really our identity? Ask yourself,
- “ Do I really need to hang on to this? Is it that important in the scheme of things?”
-
- Have you ever had the same argument again and again with someone?
-
- It’s when we go on the defense, into survival mode to keep us safe.
-
- Fight / Flight
-
- Fight / Fight
-
- Flight / Flight
-
- We hear ourselves saying,
-
- I feel unjustly treated
-
- I feel unseen
-
- I feel unappreciated
-
- I feel judged
-
- I feel misunderstood
-
- I feel I am to blame
-
- I feel put upon
-
- I can never please you
-
- This is unfair
-
- Why is this happening?
-
- Can we really be present and notice, then ask:
-
- What is the story I have about this?
-
- What is the feeling that comes up for me?
-
- What do I do in response to that feeling?
-
- Can I choose another response that is more empowering, flexible, positive or useful
-
- So a little exercise Esther Perel does is to draw a quadrant:
-
- Write down in each section:
-
- Your positive viewpoint Your negative viewpoint
Their positive viewpoint Their negative viewpoint
Then you communicate your negative first, then their positive next, your positive,
And lastly their negative, which breaks the stalemate by giving validity to them.
-
- This is not about reclaiming what you have said plenty of times, it’s about them being seen. Repeat what they have said, so they know you heard them.
-
- Express your gratitude for their communication.
-
- Express how it makes you feel. Be completely honest about yourself, not them. Always talk from an “i” statement. If it can’t be resolved let them know.
-
- “This isn’t working, let’s have some time out. I want to protect our relationship.”
-
- Exit Strategy: If things don’t go to plan, think of an exit strategy, have a plan in place for when things become too tense, so you can leave the situation gracefully.
Remember that healing strained family relationships takes time, and the holiday season is just one part of that journey. Prioritize your well-being and mental health during this time. I am available for support if needed.
Go to my booking page: